To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
14. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
God Save the Queen!